Sarap Mong Sabunutan started with a disheartening stat.

A team of ethnographic researchers from social design shop InWithForward set out to learn more…

We heard that separation, reunification and adjusting to life in Canada takes its toll on relationships. It is an emotional journey for children and parents.

Many teens talked about stresses and troubles they didn’t want to worry their parents with.

Young people who were thriving could point to a meaningful reconnection with mom.

We wondered, what would it look like to support reunited families to air their feelings and find ways forward, together, early?

Only 19 percent of the children of live-in caregivers graduate university, ten percent below the rate of government assisted refugees, which is especially surprising when you consider that their parents are among the best educated immigrants in Canada.

We asked, “what’s life like for teens of Live in Caregiver Families in North York, Ontario? What do teens aspire to? In 8 days, we spent time with 60+ people: 55 youth in and out of school, 7 parents, 3 church leaders, and 1 private college instructor.

Calls between children, spouses, and parents living apart might be regular, but conversation is often static and repetitive when separated. When reunited, feelings of resentment, anger, sadness, and loss can surface and linger. There is little space for gaining emotional literacy, and few known supports or useful tools. Practicalities, like lining up school, work etc. take priority. Doulas and midwives support giving birth to a baby, but who guides reuniting with a teen?

They’d gotten used to years of ‘positive reporting’ and trying not to worry mom. Some were angry, and others accepted that their mother had made a lot of sacrifices so how could they say what was on their minds without seeming ungrateful or feeling irresponsible. The mothers we met also struggled to know how to shift their role in the lives their almost-adult children.

Some teens vividly recalled their moms taking time off from work when they arrived to have explicit conversations about the emotional hardship; for others, that had come later, often after a rough road!

InWithForward banded together with parents and teens we met during our research to figure it out. Frustrated with the few representations of this experience, we started to create more stories about reunification and family connection in Filipino LCP families. We didn’t want to tell just one story or recommend one way of doing family. We saw lots of cool family culture!